After Me
by Susan Dawson
Summary: So I don't know about you but I hated before Dishonor and what happened.. so I wrote a story to "Fix things" I am sorry about the spelling mistakes if there is any.. Characters ALL VOYAGER PEOPLE!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay I will get back to my other stories soon but I needed to write this. I was so angry with what they did to Janeway in the books. that I decided to write an answer to so many peoples pain.. **

**Hopefully this helps you all.**

**review please**

**and ENJOY!! **

The wind was blowing harder then normal in October, the leaves where starting to change color and fall. The air had a sharp coolness to it at night that warned you that winter was not far off.

"I think it's going to be raining again today. You should see how beautiful the grounds at the academy are, the leaves are so amazing with the different colors and Boothby's fall flowers are as beautiful as sunsets." Chakotay said standing on the hill in the memorial gardens

"Well I did it again I decided to leave Starfleet. I know I shouldn't have I should have stayed and worked through it. I'm not like you I can't stuff my feelings away and hope they never come back. I have to mourn and get angry and mourn some more."

He began to pace in front of the memorial pillar that was to represent a grave. "Damn it! Why the hell did you go onto that damn Borg ship? What the hell where you thinking?" Chakotay slapped the pillar with his hand, as tears pour down his face.

"I can't do this without you. I need your company, your stubborn attitude and your smile." Chakotay had turn and leaned his back against the pillar and started too slid to the ground still crying.

Tom had been walking past when he heard yelling from the memorial gardens so he walk to the entrance and saw Chakotay sitting on the ground leaning against the pillar crying and yelling up at the sky. He made his way up the hill and was kneeling in front of Chakotay.

"Chakotay come on let get you up off the cold ground, Admiral Janeway wouldn't want to see you get a cold."

"Go away Tom"

"I can't do that. You come here every day, you curse and yell, cry and talk to her but does she ever reply? No, you have to move on. We all have to move on. Hell I miss her too; she was the only person who was willing to give me a second chance. I would do and give up anything to have her back. It just won't happen." Tom pulled Chakotay up and walked with him down the hill and out of the memorial gardens.

"To you know you really are a pain in the ass." Chakotay said slapping Tom on the shoulder

"I know"

They walked to the night owl to get a cup of coffee and a cup of tea.

Harry was sitting on a bar stool at the real Sandrine's with Tom having a few beers. And looking miserable.

"It's not right" Harry said into his fourth beer

"What's not right?"

"Admiral Janeway being killed"

Tom sipped his beer and tried not to comment.

"Come on Tom it most be bugging you too"

"Harry look, I admit your right it isn't right but it's done, there is nothing we can do about it. Janeway would be the first person to say we need to mourn and move on."

"You know Tom I think you're lying to yourself. You try to be this hard person but your not, I can tell it's eating you up inside." Harry got up and walked to the doors "I'll see you around Tom" and out he went.

"Tommy why thy long face?" Sandrine asked

"My life saver died and now my best friend is disgusted with me. I guess I should go hoe to my wife and daughter" Tom stood up and walked out the doors without even saying goodbye.

"Phoebe where did I put the picture of Kathryn and you on the beach? You know the one she just promoted and was celebrating on the beach" Gretchen asked fro the living room

"It should be on the corner table near the couch" Phoebe yelled from her studio in the basement. Phoebe and thrown herself into her work after they were told about Kathryn's death on the Borg ship. It nearly killed her, she never cried so hard not even when they were told the first time and then found out she was alive in the Delta Quadrant. But this time it felt final. She loved her sister even though they fought. Phoebe looked at her reflection in the mirror on the wall to her right and could help but laugh, she had paint all over her face from trying to wipe away tears.

"Oh Kathryn if you saw me right now you would be laughing so hard mom would wonder what was going on down here."

"Did you say something Phoebe?" Gretchen called from the top of the stairs

"No mom it's okay. Did you find the picture?"

"Yes thank you"

Gretchen was now stirring a pot of home made soup and trying hard not to think of how bad a cook Kathryn was. But she started to laugh at a memory of when Kathryn tried to make pancakes on the morning she was leaving for Voyager. They were really badly burnt; Kathryn had flour on her face and was laughing at the look she was getting from Phoebe.

"Oh Kathryn cooking wasn't your thing but being a leader sure was. Your father would have been so proud when you were given command of Voyager." Gretchen began to cry and had to sit on a kitchen chair as she could no longer see she was crying so hard.

"You know you still annoy me"

"I know Kathy. Look at it this way you can go where ever you like if I drive you crazy."

"So I can go back to my life on Earth?"

"Except that."

Kathryn paced in front of Q "I don't get it. I died and know I have to spend eternity with you? Not a great deal"

"Well, we the other Q's decided that you did help save us and all the good things you have done that well you have made you a Q!" Q grabbed Kathryn and gave her a big hug.

"Hey Aunt Kathy look at it this way, now you can watch out for your friends"

"It's not the same junior, I want to be part of their lives, look at Chakotay, he's suffering and y mother look at her she looks like she is about to die. I have to go see them." Kathryn turned to look at Q "Please Q let me at least tell them I'm okay and I watching them."

"I'm sorry Kathy I can't and you can't the Q will stop you if you try and keep you stuck here for eternity and I know that would not be a pleasant thing for you."

Kathryn walked away from Q and towards the big country house that she snapped into the continuum.

"Don't give me that look junior, I can't do it, they are still angry with me for forcing them to make her a Q."

"Fine." And junior snapped his fingers and flashed away.

"Aunt Kathy"

"Don't you Aunt Kathy me, I don't want to hear that they just need time or they feel its in my best interest to forget about Earth. Just leave me be please" Kathryn closed the door to the house just before junior was on the front steps.

"Don't you go in Junior; this is her house, a place where she can be alone. She needs time to accept this" Q was standing beside his son "Come on lets go. And they flashed away


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the delay Been really busy. I wanted to take my time writting this story so please enjoy and review.**

Chakotay woke up at his normal time 0800 and was dressed and had breakfast by 0930. He read over some assignments his class had handed him and was about to put them in his case when he looked at the last PADD, he began to read the assignment when he noticed spelling mistakes, he sighed and remarked the assignment.

By 1030 his class had started and he was whizzing through the marks and the new lesson. Many students were happy with the marks they received; others were upset but held their tongues.

"Okay now I expect these assignments to be better then the last. You are in Starfleet Academy not high school if you want a good position you need to do the work. Dismissed"

Chakotay walked outside and was glad to see it was finally sunny and it was a nice warm temperature, he walked up the hill and was standing in front of the statue of Kathryn, which Starfleet finally replaced the pillar with a glorious statue of Kathryn Janeway.

"I'm back again. I now stop bugging you, your trying to rest. I can't Kathryn that's the problem I miss you too much. It's not fair you should be here teaching at the Academy and relaxing with your family but no, curiosity got the better of you and look what happened." He pointed his finger at her "You know Curiosity killed the cat and you." Chakotay gently touched the statue "I wish you were here Kathryn your presents, your guidance is like a calming feeling to me. I would gladly trade places with you if I knew you would be safe and alive here on Earth."

"Chakotay what are you doing here?"

"B'Elanna can't you see I am in the middle of a conversation with Kathryn" Chakotay didn't even look at her

"I can see that, but you need to heal and move on. Kathryn would be so mad at you if she could see you like this."

"I don't care I need her in my life B'Elanna"

"I know Chakotay she is and will always be in your heart. I know it's not the same but its all there is, please I don't want to watch you slip away, you're my dearest friend Chakotay you're like a brother to me"

Chakotay turned to look at her he had tears forming in his eyes "B'Elanna thank you. I will try to come only two times a week from now on and then slowly I will only come once a week and so on"

"Okay Chakotay, come on Tom wants to have a Voyager dinner party so let's go before he decides to make Neelix's leola roots soup." They both laughed and said good bye to Kathryn and off they went.

"Seven! How are you? It's been a long time since I heard from you. What's been going on?"

"I am… I don't know Neelix." Seven couldn't look at her friend on the view screen

"What's wrong Seven?" Neelix asked as he leaned in closer to the screen. "Seven you're crying, please tell me what's wrong"

"Admiral Janeway is dead" Seven replied quickly

"WHAT?!" Neelix nearly fell off the chair he was sitting on. Tears started to run down his face "No I can't believe it. How Seven? How did she die?"

"The Borg. They assimilated her and made her the Queen. I tried to stop the new queen from destroying Earth. I couldn't save Earth and Admiral Janeway. I was linked with her for a few moments and she told me to save Earth. I did... Then the Cube exploded killing her. I should have traded places with her"

"Seven it's not your fault"

"It is. If I hadn't taken so long getting the weapon going I could have saved both."

"I'm sorry Seven this is a terrible thing. I will let my wife and extended families know, we will mourn her the Talaxian way."

Seven nodded and ended the transmission; she really didn't feel like playing any games today.

"Nice party Tom" The EMH said as he walked outside in the backyard of the Paris home

"Thanks Doc. I figured we should all get together and enjoy each others company."

"How thoughtful Tom"

Tom smiled and walked around greeting everyone and saying a few words. When everyone had arrived and was chatting and eating Tom got up on the stage he built earlier for Miral to play on.

Tapping a spoon to the glass he had in his hand he waited until everyone was looking at him and were quiet.

"First off thank you all for coming tonight, and yes Miral daddy is standing on your stage." Everyone laughed, Tom held up his glass "I know you all are saddened and rightfully so, so I raise my glass to you and say to all my friends from Voyager and to those who aren't here to party with us. I love each and every one of you and I know you all feel the same. To the Voyager Family!" everyone raised their glasses and tapped them against each others glass and took a sip.

"Great speech honey" B'Elanna said as Tom got off the stage.

"Thank you. Hey Chakotay glad you could make it"

"I wouldn't miss this. Nicely done Tom She would be so proud of this" Chakotay gave Tom a hug

When the party finally ended a few people remained to help clean up, Harry and Libby, Chakotay and Barkley.

"Chakotay you look exhausted why don't you crash here tonight? We have a spare room" Tom said as he moved a few chairs

"No thanks Tom I have a few things I need to get done before my trip." Chakotay turned and walked down the road to the station and transported to his apartment.

"He's going on a trip?" Tom asked B'Elanna

"No idea. He never told me" B'Elanna replied. They both looked at each other with concern.

"I'll go talk to him." B'Elanna responded

Chakotay walked into his apartment "Lights" he ordered and the lights came on he walked to his bedroom and began to pack a few articles of clothing.

He heard the door chime and wondered who the hell would be bugging him at this time. For a split second he hoped it was Kathryn but knew it wasn't.

"B'Elanna go away" he said as the door opened.

"No Chakotay I can't. I'm worried about you"

"I'm fine B'Elanna honest. I'm going to go visit my sister that's all. So please go and let me pack"

B'Elanna didn't move, she put her hands on her hips and looked at him

"Stop it! I can't pack with you standing there giving me hell"

"What about your classes?"

"It's the holidays classes are out for a month. I can go visit my family and be back here before class starts. Besides your right"

"I am?"

"Yes B'Elanna you are. I thought about what you said and what Tom said I can't keep going to see Kathryn. I couldn't let go, I don't think I will ever let go, but I think some distance might help easy the pain." Chakotay said as he put some of his pants into the duffel bag.

"It's a good idea. You have a nice relaxing time and say Hi to your sister for me." B'Elanna made her way to the door and turned her head "And Chakotay, be careful" she closed the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hopefully this chapter is a little easier to read.. I am sorry about the others. **

**Please enjoy.**

**R&R**

"Sir we will be arriving at Dorvan V in one hour"

Chakotay looked up from the PADD he was recording on, smiled and said "Thank you Ensign" and went back to work.

"_So finally after dancing around each other we finally decided to act. A quick kiss, which turned into a night of pure bliss for both of us. Our big date one we had planned for over a year came up, I had just returned from a mission and she was supposed to be back from hers. I waited and waited, when I thought I heard her coming I was surprised to see Mark her old fiancé he was upset I could tell. Every fiber of my being told me something was wrong, but I didn't want to listen, when he said Kathryn wasn't coming it felt like a knife stabbing me. Then he told me she was dead, I felt like my heart had been torn right out of my chest, My Kathryn, dead it was unthinkable it hurt so bad. Hell it still hurts, and that's why I have decided to leave Earth for awhile and decided whether or not to leave Starfleet."_

"Sir I'm sorry to bug you again but we have arrived"

"Already? Fine thank you" Chakotay got up put the PADD in his bag and went to the transporter room.

"Mom?" Phoebe spoke as she went outside to find her mother crying in the garden "Are you okay? Did you cut yourself?"

Through tears Gretchen replied "No.. Phoebe.. I just can't deal with this anymore… First your father.. Then Kathryn.. Then Kathryn's alive.. We had to wait for her to come home… when she does one year Phoebe one year we had her and Starfleet took her away. She should be here with us Phoebe helping me in the garden telling me all about her time in the Delta Quadrant and all about that man Chakotay, her former first officer that she had fallen in love with." She started to cry harder "They took her away Phoebe"

Phoebe knelt beside her mother and hugged her "I know mom they had no right to do it, they should have sent someone else not her, she should have been here on Earth relaxing with that Chakotay and starting her family, late I know but that's Kathryn."

Both women were crying now holding each other and wishing Starfleet had not done what they did.

"Q how long have I been here for?" Kathryn asked as she approached Q and Q2 who were chatting with each other about what they should do for Kathryn

"Kathy how nice to see you. How long? Well it's been... Hmmm... From your understanding of time it will be two hundred in three days

"Two hundred years?!" Kathryn put her hand to her mouth in shock "You're telling me that everyone I loved is dead?"

"Yup they have been for a very long time, by Earth standards, but that doesn't apply to us, we can go to Earth and see your family and they would be alive, you see the Q see the future and the past"

"I can go see my family?"

"Kathryn, don't start this again" Q held up his finger at her

"Q you are keeping me here like a prisoner" Kathryn throw her arms up and looked at Q with anger

"No you can go anywhere in the universe just not to Earth."

"Fine" Kathryn snapped her fingers and flashed away

"Why do you do that? The other Q had decided to let her see her family her friends."

"Junior if we let her go she would stay there and ultimately damage the timeline"

Q2 snapped his fingers and was gone.

"Wait Aunt Kathy, please"

Kathryn was about to make him disappear but she turned and looked at him. She had tears forming in her eyes.

"Aunt Kathy I'm sorry. I know you were hoping for a chance to see your family again, and this isn't what you had in mind for the after life, but think of all the things you can do, all the places you can go."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better? Because it's not Q" Kathryn walked away from Junior.

"Chakotay!" his sister yelled as she came running out of her house to great him, she embraced him in a hug.

"It's nice to see you too"

"Your upset brother what's wrong?" she asked as the walked into the house

"I don't want to talk about it right now okay. Let me get settled and then maybe I will tell you."

"Very well, your room is the second door on the left."

"Thank you." Chakotay pulled the bag's strap higher up on his shoulder and went to his room.

He had been up packing a few things when he sat on the bed and sighed. He looked at the PADD he was using and thoughts of Kathryn entered his mind, without knowing it he feel asleep.

"Chakotay wake up!"

"What?" he said groggily "Sekaya what's wrong?"

"Nothing Chakotay you fell asleep while you were unpacking."

"I guess I was tired"

"I guess so six hours"

"Six hours!" Chakotay got up and finished putting the last items away

"Chakotay what's this?" Sekaya asked as she looked at the PADD that had ended up on the floor

"Please don't read it" Chakotay asked knowing full well that she was reading some of it

"You were in love with..."

"Stop!" he snapped and grabbed the PADD from her "I don't want to talk about it right now"

"Fine dinner is ready if you're hungry" she snapped back and left the room

"Sekaya Wait" Chakotay called after her

He managed to stop her in the kitchen "I'm sorry you're only trying to help, I shouldn't have yelled."

"It's alright Chakotay you're in so much pain. I know you didn't mean to yell, when you feel like talking about it you will. Here eat you need your strength."

"For what Sekaya?"

"You'll see" she turned and went outside leaving Chakotay wondering that she meant.

Chakotay finally went to bed for the night at one am, he was so exhausted that he didn't remember changing for bed. But his dream was unsettling.

_He was in a forest of pine trees and birch trees a few maples and a few spruces. It was very foggy, the foggy was eerie and the sounds were not normal sounds of a forest, there was no birds or and other animals, he was alone. As Chakotay walked to what looked like a clearing he could just make out a figure standing in the middle. As he got closer he could see the color the person's hair, it was auburn and it was pulled up in a tight bun. Chakotay's heart began to beat faster and he began to move toward this person. The smell of perfume reached him and he knew who it was. "Kathryn!" he called but she didn't turn to see him, he began to run toward her now "Kathryn it's me Chakotay, Kathryn!" he was almost able to reach her. He stopped as she began to turn around, as she did the fog got so dense he could no longer see her. Groping with his hands to try and find her again he started to move to where he last saw her. "Kathryn!" he yelled as he got to the spot his hands felt the warmth of a body that was turned the other way, he spun her around and pulled her closer as she came into focus he was over come with fear. The person in front of him was Kathryn the Borg Queen. He screamed out._

Chakotay flung up to a sitting position in his bed, sweat just pouring off of him; he was breath fast and was shaking. He looked at the clock near his bed for the time and discovered it was ten in the morning. He pulled back the sheets and took a shower.

"There you are, nice to see you're finally up" Sekaya called to him

Chakotay walked down the back steps and stood over the garden his sister was working in.

"You look terrible. Bad dream?"

"Yes I did." Chakotay replied as he rubbed his hand on his face

"I know. I heard you calling her name all night in your sleep. Thankfully you were quiet enough you didn't wake the baby." Sekaya pointed to the baby in the swing close to her left side in the shade.

"He really is a beautiful baby Sekaya, I am so happy for you"

"Thank you Chakotay, I think father would have enjoyed teaching him a few of his tricks."

Chakotay went back into the house and grabbed an apple to munch on as he went for a walk in the woods around his sister's house.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey sorry for taking so long on this Chapter.. writers block.. anyway I think you will like this chapter.. It's Short I know.. next chapter will be longer.**

**Enjoy**

Kathryn snapped her fingers and with a flash of light she was standing in the woods on Earth near her childhood home. It was the middle of the night and everyone in the home were asleep and she felt that being here and no one seeing her would cause no harm.

"Kathryn! What do you think you are doing?" came a voice from behind her.

"Q go away. I'm causing no harm no one is going to know I am here." Kathryn snarled back

"You know I understand. Okay let me talk to the others and...." But before Q could finish Kathryn was walking towards the house. Kathryn!" Q hissed at her but she just kept walking. He sighed and appeared in front of her. "Not so fast madam Admiral"

Kathryn looked at Q with such sadness in her eyes that Q moved out of the way. She was walking up the steps and had her hand on the door knob and was about to turn the knob but stopped herself. Looking to her left Q was standing there watching her.

"Your not going to try and stop me?" Kathryn asked in a whisper

"Nope. I think this is a lesson you need to learn on your own." He gave Kathryn a little grin and waited for her to open the door.

Kathryn sighed and snapped "Damn you Q!" she snapped her fingers and disappeared.

In the morning Gretchen came downstairs and went outside to pick some fresh flowers. As she was coming back up the stairs she noticed Phoebe staring at something on the porch.

"What are you looking at Sweetie?" Gretchen asked

"I'm not sure but I know this shouldn't be here." Phoebe replied as she picked up a little wood carving. It had Kathryn's face and all of the senior crew carved into it. "I could have sworn Kathryn had this on her desk and Chakotay took it, after the memorial, when we said for him to have it."

Gretchen looked at it. "Maybe he dropped it off yesterday while we were out."

"No I was on the porch last night before midnight and it wasn't there." Phoebe replied.

"I'll contact him and find out." Gretchen responded and walked into the house with the flowers.

it was noon and Chakotay had just sat down to relax after and hard morning of work on his cabin when his computer started to beep and him. At first he ignored it but it just kept going. Sighing he got up and hit the respond command.

"Gretchen?!" Chakotay was surprised to see her. "What can I do for you?"

"I am sorry to bother you." Gretchen spoke "It's just Phoebe found the wood carving on our front porch this morning and we wondered if you had dropped it off."

Chakotay looked around is desk and noticed the wood carving was missing. "I'm sorry Gretchen but I haven't been to our home in a very long time. The wood carving was here yesterday I was looking at it but its not on my desk anymore."

After a quick conversation Chakotay ended the transmission and walked to the kitchen to get something to eat.

"Hi"

Chakotay nearly dropped the plate he was holding when he heard a familiar voice he turned. He turned around and he could see someone in the corner in the shadow.

"Kathryn?" He forced himself to say.

She came out of the shadow with tears in her eyes. He dropped the plate and as it shattered on the floor he moved quickly towards her. Pulling her into his arms.

"This can't be.. You're dead.. I must be dreaming..." Chakotay cried into Kathryn's hair.

"Chakotay please listen." Kathryn started "I did die Chakotay I was brought back.. By Q"

Chakotay pulled back so he could see her face "Q?! He... Alive... how?"

"It's hard to explain. Right now is what should matter. I have been given the rest of the day to spend with you. By midnight you will....." Kathryn stopped and looked away

"I'll what Kathryn? Die? I don't care as longs as I can be with you." Chakotay explained in a hard tone.

"No you will not die. You... Forget about me.. your memory of this day will be whipped. You'll remember what you did in the morning but from noon on you will forget."


End file.
